Im Still Here
by AmySparkles
Summary: 'Are you going to be here when I get back' Nick was pleading with him again and if it was possible Warrick would have felt his heart break. Nick and Warrick friendship. Spoilers up until season 9.


Well this story was born from me feeling a little sad and listening to the song 'Postcards' by an Irish band called The Blizzards. Reviews are welcomed and no, unfortunately I don't own CSI or any of the characters :)

_'And when your anger takes its toll_

_You may rise or you may fall._

_Yeah, I'm still here_

_I'm the light that's surrounding you _

_Everytime your darkness comes.'_

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Nick's body relaxes slightly as he sits. He feels like every muscle in his body has been tense for years but in reality it has only been the past few days. He looks down at his hands and notices his grazed knuckles. He looks ahead and sees the empty beer bottle on his coffee table. He can sense movement beside him and knows it's Warrick.

'How did you get in?'

'You gave me a key remember, What am I not welcome anymore?' Warrick smiles at him but Nick still feels like he should tell him that he's always welcome.

'I heard about your little outburst back at the lab, What's wrong?' He can sense that Warrick's giving him that look of concern that he's received before. Nick thinks that Warrick's voice sounds happier than it has recently but work has been tough on everyone and Nick cant say he's been feeling his best either.

'Catherine told you, right?' Nick has been noticing the way she looks at him, like she's waiting for him to crack. 'Or Hodges, half the lab probably knows now if he has anything to do with it.'

'I'm just looking out for you man. I ain't always gonna be around to save you.' It's not that Nick doesn't appreciate it, it's just that he's not really in the mood for anyone's concern. He takes a deep breath and lifts his head up.

'I just.. needed to blow off some steam, okay. It's not easy right now.' Nick doesn't want to explain but it's Warrick and he's his best friend.

'I know.. but did you have to do it in front of half the lab. Damn, Greg isn't going to let you borrow that NFL game any time soon.' Warrick was the one that loved that game but Nick still played it with him.

'Just leave it alone man, I really just want to go to bed.' Nick gets up to leave and notices the picture of Warrick and him on his shelf beside all of the regular family pictures his mom sent him when he first arrived in Vegas.

'Fine, I'll be here ready to talk about it when you wake up. Just don't snore too loud, alright man.'

Nick turns and looks into Warrick's eyes for the first time in a week. 'Really?'

'No Nick, you know that.'

Warrick smiles at him and Nick feels a little part inside him break. He cant cry, not here. He promised himself he wouldn't cry anymore.

'But... Why not man? Please just... stay.' Nick knows he sounds crazy but he's desperate. 'We can watch the game I taped, Dallas Cowboys cant lose.'

'Nick, come on buddy. It's been too long already.' Warrick's face looks serious and Nick wonders why he can just play along, humour him just this once. Warrick's eyes glisten in the dark. Nick wouldn't usually be home this early but Catherine sent him home, out of anger more than anything else.

'You can't leave yet, you only just got here. What, If you leave you think it will make me feel bad about earlier.' Nick stood defiant but he couldn't look Warrick in the eye.

'Nick, you have to let me say goodbye. Stop doing this, you know what's happening. It's not fair.'

Its like they've switched roles and Warrick is the one pleading with Nick. He's not the one who should be pleading with anybody. Nick is the one who's been cursing God every night and then a minute later promising him that he'll start going to mass again if he changes what happened.

'I cant because... if I do then... it means I've given up and I'm your best friend and I'm not supposed to do that. I can't. You never gave up on me.' Nick can feel his eyes water but he doesn't care anymore. He doesn't care about anything other than Warrick. 'It's not fair.'

'I know, it sucks but this isn't your fault. Don't ever think that man. It happened and now you have to move on.' Warrick stands up and Nick walks away. He walks over to his fridge and grabs the beer he bought on the way home from work. He's been doing that a lot lately.

'You need to stop drinking so much aswell. It's not good getting drunk on your own every night.' Warrick walks forward and Nick moves behind the counter in his kitchen.

'Yeah, well maybe I'd be okay if I had someone to share it with.' He sounds angry, like he was earlier in the lab. Nick gulps half his beer down and spills a little on his shirt.

'You do have someone to share it with. Catherine, Brass, Greg, Sara, hell maybe even Grissom, think of the funny things you could get a drunk Grissom to do. I'm sure if...'

'SHUT UP, just shut the hell up.' Nick shouts at Warrick leaving him speechless. He and Nick had fights but Nick never yelled at him with such intensity before. Warrick flinches as Nick throws his empty beer bottle across the room.

'You don't get to act like everything's okay when it's not. You cant just stand there and lecture me about the danger of drinking. This sucks man, and I'm sorry if I'm not jumping up and down for joy or going and comforting everyone like I should and I'm sorry I shouted and screamed and cursed at everyone in the lab but.. my best friend just died, alright? I'm not supposed to act normal.'

Nick looks at Warrick and feels as if he's just told him he slept with his wife. Warrick's face looks serious but his eyes look devastated. Nick cant bear to look at him anymore and he walks past him to sit on his couch. 'This just... sucks.'

Warrick looks at the man in front of him. He looks defeated and as if he's aged a thousand years. He's not the same fresh- faced guy who showed up from Texas years ago to challenge him. 'This isn't you Nick. Blowing up at Dave because he asked how you were doing. Yelling at Catherine for trying to hug you. Hell, you nearly punched Greg and all he did was say hello. Brass could have had you suspended for how you acted at that crime scene yesterday.'

'I'm just... tired. I'm tired of everything always going wrong and I'm tired of this job.'

'You don't mean that, man. You're just having a hard time, okay, but you need to get through this man. People rely on you, they need you around.' Warrick sits down beside him and Nick feels like running away, far away where everything is okay. When he was little he used to sit on his mom's bed and they would talk about anything and everything, he was convinced that as long as he stayed there everything would be okay and nothing bad would ever happen. Then his parents left him with a babysitter one night. Nothing ever stays the same.

'What if I just don't want to be me anymore.' The look in Nick's eyes scares Warrick.

'What are you talking about?' Warrick didn't like the way Nick was talking.

'I mean... What if I just don't want to smile as if nothing has happened? What if I don't want to tell everyone I'm fine when I'm not? It'd be better if I could be someone else.'

'You have to be you Nick, there are people counting on you, they need you.' Warrick needed him to understand. 'Me.. What happened.. It's been hard on everyone and I need you to help them.'

'STOP' Nick was shouting again and his eyes were almost black, not the normal chocolate brown. Warrick also noticed how quickly he was finishing off the beer. 'Just stop talking about what happened like it's nothing. You're gone and I can't bring you back and I hate myself for that. Its not fair, why do I get all these chances when all you need is one.'

Warrick couldn't answer him. Nick felt guilty about his death and he couldn't get it through to him that it wasn't his fault. Stuff happens.

'Who am I gonna play basketball with after work? Who's gonna make bets with me about cases? Who's gonna knock some sense into me when I take Grissom's words to heart? Who's gonna be there for all of the important things?' Tears were streaming down Nick's face now and Warrick wanted nothing more than to tell him it was a practical joke and have Greg jump out from behind the television where he had been taping the whole thing.

'Someone else.. not me bro.' It hurt to have to tell him that. 'You know it has to be this way and I know it sucks and you can hate yourself all you like but it ain't bringing me back. You have to plaster one of those smiles back onto your face and pretend that it's okay. Then, maybe it will be.'

Nick had gone quiet and Warrick thought maybe the beer was having an effect on him. He was staring at the ground beside him. Warrick hadn't seen Nick this numb in a long time.

'I miss you.. already. Is that stupid?'

'No it's not. I miss you too, all you guys, hell even Greg.' That got a little smile from Nick and Warrick felt like maybe he was finally getting through to him. 'But it's gonna get better, I've seen the future so I should know.'

Nick looked at him and Warrick knew he didn't believe his little remark. Warrick thought he could see an expression that he got from Nick a lot when they worked a case together. Maybe everything would be okay.

'Maybe you should go shower, it might help sober you up. You have to go see Catherine in a few hours.' Nick looked at him and back at his beer. It was a choice, sort him self out like Warrick wanted or stay on his path of self-destruction.

'Okay. I guess I should, right?' Warrick nodded. As Nick walked across his living room he looked back at Warrick.

'Are you going to be here when I get back?' Nick was pleading with him again and if it was possibly Warrick would have felt his heart break.

'No.' Something in Nicks eyes changed, as if they had gotten darker somehow. Tears formed again.

'Then.. I'm not saying goodbye.. and I'm never going to stop missing you man. How about you use some divine intervention and put the cowboys on a winning streak for me.' Nick's voice broke with emotion while he spoke. 'It's the least you could do, right?' He tried to smile but couldn't.

'Sure. They'd need divine intervention.' Warrick managed a smile but it soon faded. Nick turned and walked towards the bathroom. As Warrick let his head drop he heard a voice.

'This is all a dream right? You're already gone.'

'I knew there was a brain in there somewhere.' Warrick's face broke into a smile and Nick couldn't help but smile at how peaceful his friend seemed.

The last thing Nick heard was Warrick's happy voice.

'Everything will be alright. I'll see you around bro.'

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Thanks for reading :)


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